It all began in July 1939. My 20-year life at home was to be harrowing but all told, it was not very long before I became enough pleased with myself to go beyond the common mind, and beyond the common expectations of what life was all about. The major change in my life, I created for myself out of insights I observed in the very early spring of my eighteenth year. It was 1957.
I cannot even at this much later date know exactly what caused me some time about February of that year to take a look at the world around me. And it didn’t take much to realize that there were no real people around me anywhere, either at home (except my dad), in school, in the church either downstairs in Sunday School or upstairs in the congregation. The Canadian adults of the 1950’s were to a person running a pretense, a manipulation, a play act or running a control program out of an idea that they were somehow older, bigger and smarter and we were children, to be seen and not heard. I recognized a fear pattern running my mother and her need to control everything especially my dad and me. She got lots of validation from her peers. My father was an honorable man and stood by his marriage vows his whole life.
This is where this narrative becomes a mystery. My personal insights were not supported in any way in the world around me, there were no conversations like the one I was having with myself and, in addition to all this, it would be in the order of twenty or twenty-five more years for any kind of language to show up that became a basis for others to have these insights. I was on my own; and I had no idea what it was I was doing. Nonetheless, I was doing it.
I lived in splendid isolation from the rest of my world. Because my body had not functioned properly from birth, I had very bad breath. Notoriously, children are intolerant of these kinds of personal challenges and I was a victim of their cruelty. I walked to school alone and came home to play in my yard alone. It was not easy and it all turned out to be a very big perk. When I realized I was on my own; that there would never be a back up person to support me; whatever I might make of it, I knew all my decisions were on me.
This became my first spiritual test: what was I to do? My 18th birthday was not until July and graduation from high school was coming upon me in June. Even when I talk and write about this, I am certain that I knew what I was doing even though I had no kind of explanation for it until at least a couple of decades hence.
I sat down with the Great Universe and declared to Her that I had two big favors to ask. The first was this: I wish to be graduated from high school at the top of my class! Turned out that I was the first girl, there were two boys better than I was at that time in mathematics and physics. Out of a graduating class of 300, third was all right with me. Second, both more important and more definitive, I wish to get out of my mother’s house. That took a couple of years to do. So, what is the sure-fire way to affect an escape of this sort: get pregnant and get married? This is what I did in December of 1959, giving birth to my daughter 21 days after my 21st birthday in 1960 about two months too soon!
Done, and I never looked back as there was never any kind of useful reason to go home again.
Now, my story was quite unusual in that it was at least another decade and more before the opening salvos of women’s liberation caused a great many more of my gender to inventory the abuse that was commonplace in our society.
My personal take away on liberation is two-fold: first: everyone’s horror was horrible; everyone suffered and second, there was a scale from bad to awful to true torture, physical and sexual abuse. None of it was even considered out of normal; it was all about attitudes existing among both women and men held over centuries. I watched women discover they were systematically abused as a matter of course. I also watched many recover their center; create new lives for themselves and move on. And some many chose eternal victimhood as their weapon: they never let go of their anger.
This is a big story which I have interpreted for you here in order to make a point and to offer a way to discover your own spiritual center and, if you have not already, to create a wholesome, productive and creative life here for yourself in the midst of major planetary change on all levels.
It is to be considered that you are the center of your world, not more important than any other person, but that you are the one single certainty you have. What you are, what you do for yourself to create your journey, is yours and it is forever. Your own personal tale is what you have to use to illustrate to yourself your intrinsic worth. You are precious. You are magnificent and very wise!
The rest of your life revolves around your notion of yourSelf, who you are to yourSelf and what kind of role you are to play in the world. It is a true warrior’s journey that I am on, that you are on. You are here to do your own unique work in the world. Go for it!
And, please, make sure to tell us what you learn from yourself. You are critical to the Whole; we cannot do any of this without you!